(This post may be a bit emotional, btw.)
The Dohrmann's (and the Roberts) have been through the ringer, and literally hung out to dry. Why do things like this happen?!
As I reflect on these past few days so many thoughts come and go. Honestly, I can't keep track of them all. However, I did want to journal some of my (our) feelings and have some closure to such a horrific situation. I will desperately try to organize them in a respectful, yet honest way.
If you haven't yet seen in my previous posts, our little niece ended her journey here on Earth and went to heaven this past Friday. She was alive for a mere 29 days. The pastor who conducted the funeral service kept using the word 'life.' I can not imagine the thoughts running through my sister-in-law's head while she sat there. All I kept thinking was, "This was no life." Life is ice cream cones that melt down your face on a hot, summer day. Life is swinging on an old tire swing in the backyard. Life is knowing your brother and your parents, and understanding how much they love you. Life is knowing your family, and their individual personalities, and each of their histories. Life is school, and friends, and slumber parties. Life is sledding down a snowy hill. Life is falling in love and getting married. Life is having children of your own. Life is so much more than the NICU- How come she didn't get to chase her dreams?! What would she have been? What was her story to tell?! Talk about not fair...
And not only for her, but for her parents and her family. They won't get to see her reach those little milestones that very first and fragile year. They won't get to be able to see the ice cream running down her face. They won't get to push her in that old tire swing. They won't be able to see her interact with her big brother and him with her. They won't get to take her to school and slumber parties and dances. Brian won't be able to walk his daughter down the aisle. Talk about not fair...
So many of us weren't even able to meet her. We thought we had time. We assumed that everything would be alright. We took 'life' for granted...I realize that now. And I'm sure that God has a plan- for all of us involved in this precious life, this precious story. We'll figure it out someday. It's just hard to see it today.
When a woman and her husband are actually, in a very miraculous way, able to conceive a child, things change. You start looking toward your future with your children in mind. You start understanding that there's much more to life than what you've ever known, much more to life than what you've ever experienced. You assume you'll get to see your children grow up. Isn't that a reason we have children?!Throughout pregnancies, ones with complications and ones without, you think about, talk about, converse about, what life will be like after the baby arrives...what you'll need to buy, what you'll need to be ready for, pink or blue clothing and blankets, family names- maybe not family names?...You- WE take 'life' for granted. We do- we just do. I think that was Baby Makayla's mission in life- God sent her as an angel to remind us that while we're all here living, we truely need to live for the day.
As we stood there at the burial site on such a bitterly, cold, horrible winter day, her tiny coffin on top of the frozen ground and two feet of snow all around, all I could think about was how cold she must have been. I very seriously considered taking my coat off and wrapping it around her.
Please Lord, I pray- Be with Jill and Brian and heal their much wounded hearts. They will need your touch, your light, and your ever-growing presence.
In dedication to Makayla...a final farewell.
Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
How I wonder what you are.
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky.
Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
How I wonder what you are.
We love you. May you fly with Angel's wings.
Uncle Ben and Aunt Jen
Your cousins, Makenna and Bennett
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